It's weekend! But I'm neither feeling excited nor am I looking forward to it. WHAT HAPPENED TO ME AGAIN? PMS-ing? I'm feeling listless... I've turned down all my dates, coz I felt that I need a jog, something heart-pumping & will make me sweat in order to make me feel better. But I was quite sian and tired to the extent that I didn't feel like jogging either. ARGHHhh...nothing that I do now seems to perk me up. No food that I eat, no things that I buy seems to make me happy. How? I think I'm sinking into depression mode again and I hate myself for that now! Someone help me please!!!
My life seems scary to me now, so aimless. I feel like a walking corpse when I go to work everyday. Counting down to my deadline...left only 4 weeks and I'm still stuck with the 1st synthetic step when I got 5 steps to do :( I hate it! I don't detest failure but I hate uncertainty, vagueness... Boss has been pressurising me so much now! He's driving me mad!! I can feel my grey hair growing liao... If things not ready in 4 weeks time, he said his head gonna rolled down from the 8th to the ground floor of my office building. I guess before that happens he'll see my body on the ground floor... Wahaha...Die lar, I've brought back my 941-page long patent to read this weekend, & my report not even touched yet! BONKUS liao... :(
Life sucks so much now & I've never had such feelings before. I think the next time my friends see me will be at IMH....ahaha... Ok pals, no worries...I'm still smiling & laughing alot lately...so I'll be fine... =p
I just need to complain to people, do more crazy things and I think I'll feel better. Now I feel really miserable if I don't talk to people, don't go out with friends. Sigh...how can a sagi's life be so sad, huh?
Sigh...How I wish I can find a 'golden tortise', get married and everyday have hi-tea with my tai-tai kakis now -_-^ *My colls & I have been discussing alot about this lately* Wahaha.... Okok, time to wake up from this daydream!
After nearly 2 years in R&D, it's time for me consider if I should continue in this field. Frankly speaking, I love this workplace, be it the people or the job, tremendously. I like it coz it's almost political-free and my colls & I get along quite well. But I know that in the long run, I won't be able to go far in this field with just a degree. Ya lor, degree holders can only wash testtubes in R&D. Even a masters holder will just be a testtube washer supervisor. So sad, rite? Thinking if I should move into manufacturing or be out of this chemical field.. Sigh.. I enjoy the fun of chemistry, coz benchwork is so much more fun than desk-bound job! I seriously can't take desk-bound jobs coz I'll doze off for sure, just like what I often did in cinema. Wahaha... Many friends have also urged me to further my studies.. should I? But i dun want end up getting Permanent Head Damage (PhD), think it's already badly damaged enough by my present work stress... Haha...
Well, the main worry is that I think the 3-4 years of studentship might be quite tormenting for me. I'm terrified! Imagine staying in research lab form 8am-8pm, 6 days a week. Sunday will probably be a day spent at home reading journals? Crazy, rite? I scared my life will no longer be called a life if I do PhD. No entertainment, no friends, no play... I'll die... Anyway, still got at least a year to think things through, to decide the direction I wanna go in... :)
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