What word will you use to describe Year 2008?

This morning I was listening to YES 933 & the DJ, Cruz Teng, happened to be on this topic. "So what is that one chinese character you'll use to describe year 2008?"

Well, I'll used one English word to describe this year and it shall be 'Unfortunate'.

On a personal level, at work, we have been lacking alot in luck (maybe) or probably due to the inappropriate approaches, our projects were terminated one after another. My morale did sink to rock-bottom of the sea which really made me want to quit my job & to further studies as I doubt that I can see my future if I continue staying here.

However, this was followed by an economic recession, which first hit US and subsequently, other parts of the world are affected too. What worsened it further was increase in oil price, inflation, etc. So how could I leave my job then? Everyone was holding on tightly to their job as if it's a life buoy.

More recent unfortunate events include the political unrest in Bangkok (hope it'll be alright soon if not just keep to BKK as I'll be going Phuket soon. *Pray*) and the terrorist attack in Mumbai, which had taken the life of an innocent Singaporean. Sigh...

Let's just hope that the remaining of the year will be a fortunate & peaceful one.

Ranting...

I was a little, or in fact more than a little, irritated by someone today.

I was looking for a bottle of chemical for my reaction but couldn't find it at its usual location. After looking around for it in the lab, I finally found the bottle with him. Then he asked for a favour from me, which I thought was to return the bottle of chemical to the original location. To my surprise, asked me to check the stock for that chemical & if the stock is low, he said WE should order it. I guess it's more like saying I SHOULD order it bah.

It's not that I mind ordering the chemical which everyone elses in the lab use as well. But the fact is, he always think that he's the most senior RA in the lab, & starts to order people around. But, when it comes to things associated to our big boss, he'll fight to do them so that he can claim credit for it. So why can't he check the stock of this chemical? Previously, he had even asked me to consolidate a name list for him. I'm not his PA, for godness sake. So all I did was to ask him to do it on his own. I'm not so stupid to do for him! *Idiot*

For small things like ordering stuff, big boss don't get to know, so he can't claim any credit. Of course he won't do it. What a selfish person. *IDIOT*

A Wish for a friend

It's another relapse again. Really hate to see her sinking into such state again. It just pains to see her red eyes & watery nose. Worst of all, I dunno what I can do to help her except to console her.

Hope that she'll be alrite soon.

Disappointment

It's been quite a while since I last blog. Oh well, it's not because I'm too busy with work or with my personal life. Life has been boring lately, so I got nothing much to blog about. Haha...

Why is my life boing lately? Cos my work PROJECTS (yes, with the 'S') all just got killed lately & I'm now waiting to start on something new. So now for most of the time, I'm waiting for time to pass. Arghh!! Research can sometimes be really demoralising! Actually I'm neither emotionally nor physically attached to the projects lah. Just wondering why is this disease area so hard to work on. Maybe we just lack luck? Maybe it's the retribution we human are getting from the countless changes (many harms included) we have done to alter nature. Well, only god knows! :)

Anyway, to counter this "boredom" which I've been experiencing lately, the thought of furthering studies has been on my mind. Actually, I always wanna further my studies, but just when to start on it. Finally took some actions, started with emailing profs, checked out the viability with my boss and today, I just checked out the possibility of getting funded with my HR. Disappointed to hear that the quota for funded students is now full anf probably the earliest which there'll be a vacancy is early 2011. OMG! I'll be 29 years old by then. I wouldn't want to embark on a 3-4 years of studies then. Too old for it by then. Sigh...

So right now, I'm still thinking of an alternative to it. Either apply directly to the uni then pray & hope that I'll be offered a scholarship. Though with a much lower stipend, I hope I'm still able to survive then. Alternatively, I'll seek a job change soon bah.

Will just stay positive then! ^_^

Why am I always the one doing all these??

Why why why??? Why am I always the one? Why am I always the one who feels the need to be responsible for all these little things? Why is it me & no one else? Why do I need to take care of this and that, do this and that, check this and that, buy this and that? Why can't that someone who should take charge take care of all these things or at least share the workload with me? I wish to be taken care of as well, but why are things happening in the other way round? I hate it! Why are things like that? It's just not fair!!!

Appraisal Day!

After 2 sessions of appraisal, I've finally completed my appraisal with the ratings & comments from bossy. But then each year, it's always the same rating & more or less the same words from bossy, saying that he has tried hard to fight for better ratings BUT.....
Yes! There's always a BUT to it. Sigh...

So how to have a breakthrough so that he can really fight for better ratings for me without the word BUT coming back to me at the end?? He suggested that I do some project of my own, which I find it abit useless & time-wasting. Hmm...how to innovate when most of the time you just get to follow instructions from your uppers? Just don't see anything good or useful that an associate can do to show that he is well above others. Yes, even my boss agrees that in such a lab environment, to excel in leadership roles is tough. At times, I just feel that me as an associate is just like a housewife. U keep the whole house clean & tidy but how well has it been recognised?

Another thing we discussed was about furthering studies. Well, this has been on my mind ever since I graduated, it's just about finding the right opportunity& time. But somehow, this urge is fading as I'm ageing. Wonder why. Maybe because now there's more commitment, having to give another 4-5 years of my youth to studies makes me re-think about it. Maybe because the longer I've been in R&D, the more lost I feel & I don't want this to happen for the rest of my life (coz if I study, probably I'll be stucked in R&D). But if I don't study, I must move out of R&D soon! Anyway, Bossy has been very encouraging & helpful.

Hmm...at the end of the day, somehow there's this surge of sianness in me. Due to appraisal? Other stuff?? Hmm..... sometimes I just wonder if I'm asking for too much in life.

Greed.

Does it grow with age?

Again, I miss walking down the street alone, with the wind blowing. I think it does help me clear my mind.