Appraisal Day!

After 2 sessions of appraisal, I've finally completed my appraisal with the ratings & comments from bossy. But then each year, it's always the same rating & more or less the same words from bossy, saying that he has tried hard to fight for better ratings BUT.....
Yes! There's always a BUT to it. Sigh...

So how to have a breakthrough so that he can really fight for better ratings for me without the word BUT coming back to me at the end?? He suggested that I do some project of my own, which I find it abit useless & time-wasting. Hmm...how to innovate when most of the time you just get to follow instructions from your uppers? Just don't see anything good or useful that an associate can do to show that he is well above others. Yes, even my boss agrees that in such a lab environment, to excel in leadership roles is tough. At times, I just feel that me as an associate is just like a housewife. U keep the whole house clean & tidy but how well has it been recognised?

Another thing we discussed was about furthering studies. Well, this has been on my mind ever since I graduated, it's just about finding the right opportunity& time. But somehow, this urge is fading as I'm ageing. Wonder why. Maybe because now there's more commitment, having to give another 4-5 years of my youth to studies makes me re-think about it. Maybe because the longer I've been in R&D, the more lost I feel & I don't want this to happen for the rest of my life (coz if I study, probably I'll be stucked in R&D). But if I don't study, I must move out of R&D soon! Anyway, Bossy has been very encouraging & helpful.

Hmm...at the end of the day, somehow there's this surge of sianness in me. Due to appraisal? Other stuff?? Hmm..... sometimes I just wonder if I'm asking for too much in life.

Greed.

Does it grow with age?

Again, I miss walking down the street alone, with the wind blowing. I think it does help me clear my mind.